Articles

It's Been a Month   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     So this is what grief feels like at one month since my mother’s death. I just got home from a work trip, so I’m tired.  I’m cleaning out my mother’s room so we can paint it to get ready for Ann and Bruce to occupy her room.  Norm is supposed to move in tomorrow, but forgot to tell me he had to do it today.  His room isn’t ready. ...

It's All Good, Even the Hard Stuff   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com   How does one find the will, the energy, the trust to keep saying yes to life when one doesn’t have the stomach for it?  How do you believe that good can come about when you’ve been struck down so many times, spent five years wages on fertility drugs or been kicked out of the adoption pool because you are angry?  How do you love your unborn baby...

In Awe of Her   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com   The call came that she was dying.  I’ve known her for 40 years.  Not well.  But her presence was always clearly something to be reckoned with.  I remember the day we moved into the neighborhood when she sent two of her ten children to check us out--to see if our kids would be play worthy.  The kids were wild around the edges, but always seemed respectful and knew right from...

If...   By John T. Schwiebert, ThMjohn@tearsoup.com     “ . . .If there is anything worthy of praise think about these things.”--Philippians 4:9 In the above scripture passage there is a lot riding on the little word “if.”  I want to suggest that it is an especially important word for those who are grieving because of a deep personal loss. When Paul uses the word “if” in his letter to the Jesus followers in the Roman city of Philippi, he...

I'll Stand By You   By the Pretenders   Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes Come on and come to me now Don't be ashamed to cry Let me see you through 'cause I've seen the dark side too When the night falls on you You don't know what to do Nothing you confess Could make me love you less I'll stand by you I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you I'll stand by you So if you're mad, get mad Don't hold it all inside Come on and...

I will never forget you.  And I don't want others to forget you either.   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     After the death of a valued companion we seem to have a deep need to preserve their memory.  We write about them; we collect objects that hold meaning about them; we gather people together to tell stories about them; we make their favorite food; we create jewelry that contains their cremains; or we write their name in the sand. ...

I have seen amazing love.    By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com   I’ve seen a woman glow from the radiance of being with child--pregnant in anticipation of the relationship that will forever change her because of the love that connects the two of them.  I’ve seen that love endure even when death takes that child from her arms and places the child safely to remain in her heart forever. I’ve known the desire to trade places with someone whom I loved...

How to be a faithful friend during the hardest seasons of life   By Kate Kelty http://www.thegracetogrieve.comhttp://www.takethemameal.com     As I reflect on friendship in the midst of grief there are certain memories that rise to the surface. These moments inserted beauty into the bitterness of my pain and I am forever grateful.  I will never forget the moment that Laura took me to lunch after three months of seclusion since the death of my baby girl. I was trying...

How the Gifts Arrive   By Mike Kleimanmikekleiman@cs.com   Buying Valentine’s Day flowers for my eight-year-old son is always terribly difficult. There never seems to be an arrangement suited for a young boy that also expresses profound parental love. My heart is naturally drawn toward the pink, red and yellow flowers but they certainly don’t speak the same way to my son. He’d be more satisfied with an arrangement involving a monster truck. I look at each flower arrangement that...

How Long...?   By John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@tearsoup.com      How long must I bear pain in my soul,            and have sorrow in my heart all day long?                                                 --Psalm 13:2   When we are grieving a personal loss, especially a recent one, pain in the soul is real and profound.  And the...

How Grief Can Affect a Marriage   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.   The same kind of character that is used in the Chinese language to signify crisis is also used to express both opportunity and danger.  Most couples who have experienced the death of their child have also experienced a crisis in their marriage as a result. For some this untimely difficulty has become a rich opportunity for growth bringing the two closer together. But for others the death of...

Honesty and Grace at a Memorial Gathering   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, ThMjohn@metanoiaumc.org     To the readers of this on-line newsletter: Pat and I thank you for honoring our need to express ourselves personally following the recent death of Pat’s mother (my mother-in-law) Josie Mineburg.  And thanks especially to you who sent email responses of encouragement, and who confirmed that reading our comments was helpful to you as well.  I share below the remarks I made at the...