Articles

Grieving During the Holidays   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     It’s holiday time again.  Comes around every year.  Same time. Same weather.  Same smells.  Same decorations.  Same people.  Same music.   Same food. Same expectations.  It’s in our cells.  We’ve grown up with it.  We pass it on to our kids as if it were part of our DNA… We look forward to it.  And we look forward to it being over.  So if everything’s the same, why does it...

Grieving By Choice   By John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@tearsoup.com     Given the emotional and even physical pain that is a part of the grief experience, it is hard to imagine that anyone would actually choose circumstances that would guarantee to bring about loss and therefore grief.  Yet sometimes grieving by choice is inevitable. I began thinking about this recently when, in our Peace House morning prayer time, we read the famous story that appears in the Gospel of Mark, beginning...

Grieving as Though Not Grieving   By John T. Schwiebert, ThMjohn@tearsoup.com     “[Let] those who mourn [be] as though they were not mourning . . .” --1 Corinthians 7:30   For the past 27 years I have been part of a group of 10 to 15 people who gather every weekday morning at 7:20 to sing, pray and reflect on how God speaks to us through a selected reading from the Bible. Ever since I agreed to write an article...

Grief Triggers   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com   I have always found “triggers” to be a difficult part of grieving.  Do you know what I mean?  I’m thinking about the little reminders that in an instant put you into a deep grieving space where you are distracted from what you were doing and suddenly find yourself in that abyss where nothing else matters but your pain. Get used to it. Triggers are capable of ambushing you without your consent and...

Grief Needs a Face   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.Pat@tearsoup.com    For some people that comes naturally; for others, especially in situations of grief, the desire is to hide away. Being isolated during this difficult time may actually make things harder. However, this is not to suggest that does you should have people around you all the time, since being alone is equally important in your grief.  It is helpful to consider finding a balance. You need someone else who will...

Grief is Like   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.Pat@tearsoup.com    One of the difficulties bereaved persons face is how to explain to us how they FEEL when they are grieving. What does it FEEL like to be in the skin of a bereaved person? Is it similar to other experiences in our life? Is there a way we can relate on some level to the pain of grieving persons when we are not grieving ourselves.  Most people can’t allow themselves to...

Grief As a Backpack   By Angela Millerwww.abedformyheart.com     People seem to think the ache of missing our children would become more bearable over time. It doesn’t. In fact, some of my days now are more painful as the years go on, because I’m further and further since I last held my son safely in my arms. You’d think after all this time I’d be less caught off guard when I think of my son and I suddenly cannot...

Grief and Hope   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org     Many a person of faith has taken great comfort from these words of the Apostle Paul: We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. (1 Thess. 4:13) Paul’s point is that when we trust God, and God’s creation, we can face loss knowing that we will survive...

Gratitude    By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     I haven’t always lived a life of gratitude.  In fact, it never occurred to me until recently that it might be something worth pursuing. When I was a child I had some unfair deals handed to me so it as easy to feel sorry for myself.  I learned to invite as many people as possible to my pity party.  I suspect it was a learned behavior that came naturally to me.  Life...

God Will Not Forget   By the Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org     The importance of remembering was something we first noticed when we worked with parents whose children had died.  But now we know that the longing to “never forget” is quite normal whether the deceased is one’s child, one’s middle aged friend, or even an elderly parent. When our loved one dies we invite relatives and friends to a memorial service.  There we savor a rich experience in...

God the Father Reconsidered   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, ThMjohn@metanoiaumc.org     Since the theme of this newsletter issue is Fathers and Father’s Day, and since Theology is what I bring to these online conversations about grief, let me speak of God, the Father. In the earlier days of my pastoral ministry Mary Daly, a Catholic sister, wrote a book entitled, “Beyond God the Father.”  Her book, along with other strong feminist writings, helped us to see the misunderstandings...

Friends   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.Pat@tearsoup.com    Long after you have come to terms with your loss, you may still be holding a grudge against others for what they have said to you or failed to say to you, during your grieving time. To understand why they acted as they did you need only remember what it was like before this tragedy in your life, and how you treated friends who had experienced the death of a loved one. What...