Articles

By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     A father in our infant loss support group spoke of his baby’s name and how glad he was that they had named her Olive.  It was a name that was connected with the past in their family, but it became more than that for him in his grief journey.  He found great pleasure in being reminded of his daughter as he cooked with olive oil, or saw a bowl of olives on the Thanksgiving...

OCCUPY GRIEF   By John T. Schwiebert,  MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org   oc-cu-py    1.to take possession of by settlement or seizure  2. to hold possession of by tenure; specif.,  a)   to dwell in   b) to hold (a position or office)   3.  to take up or fill up (space time, etc.)  4. to employ, busy, or engage (oneself, one’s attention, mind, etc.)                                                               --Webster’s New World Dictionary, Second College Edition   With spontaneous social movements around the U.S. and elsewhere giving new currency to...

Not so fast… thank you   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     The idea of starting over, of letting go, of embracing new beginnings seems harsh and unfair.  It’s easy advice, and it seems like good advice to those who are suggesting it.  Not so much for the persons to whom the advice is offered.  Letting go feels like betrayal or abandonment if one is not ready for distance.  I talked with a friend the other day, remembering 25 years...

My New Year's Gratitude not Resolution List   By Jan Warnereyeseepic@aol.comStop Thief: Don’t Steal My Griefwww.griefspeaksout.com   I said I would write this - now I have to!  I have to quiet for a moment the part of me that wants only to whine and cry and shout and moan that Artie's dead and how can I start a whole new year without him?!? The thing is I can - and when the clock strikes midnight - I will.  I...

Mother's Day Number Five Without Mom It Never Gets Easier   By Victor Lanahttp://blogcritics.org/culture/article/mothers-day-number-five-without-mom/ I've heard it said that time heals all wounds, and I am willing to believe in that, but it is not working for me at this point. This is my fifth Mother's Day without my Mom, and it doesn't feel any different than it did the first time I had to live through this day without her; in fact, it may be getting even harder for...

Mother's Day   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     When I was a child Mother’s Day was a big deal in our household.  I was the second oldest of four siblings in a divorced family.  We hung together pretty close.  I was the only one in my school who didn’t have a father at home except the one girl whose father had died in an accident.  That situation was legitimate.  My “dad-less” state was not.  Though we didn’t understand the...

More Reflections on Life's Harsh Boundaries   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@tearsoup.com     Dear Readers: The article I wrote for the December, 2012 on-line newsletter, “Experiencing Life’s Harsh Boundaries” prompted the following response from a reader.   I have included the response along with my response in the hope that this dialogue might be helpful to those who ponder theological questions related to their experiences of loss and grief.   (Click on the following link to read the full article: http://www.griefwatch.com/experiencing-lifes-harsh-boundaries.)...

Missing   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     When my mother was alive she used to say, “You’ll miss me when I’m gone.  You may be the only one, but you’ll miss me, you’ll see.” Whenever she knew I was going out of town she would often say as soon as she heard the news, “I miss you already.  Will you miss me?”  I would fib and say, “Yes.”  Because I knew that’s what she wanted to hear.  I suspect...

Mi Gran Anhelo   By My Mother's Brain: Love in the Times of Dementiahttp://mymothersbrain.wordpress.com/blog/   I’m having an identity crisis, I told my friend over lunch. I need to work, but I can’t work, not full-time anyway, when I’m having to travel back and forth to the border to help care for Mom. My problem, I explained, is not solely about earning money; it goes beyond the financial issues. It’s that when the bylines and credits and paychecks get few...

Men Grieve Side by Side   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com   Some of the most touching statements I’ve heard around a child’s death have come from fathers. I remember a father telling how after his children and wife died in a house fire his buddies would come over and sit with him  day after day while he drank himself unconscious only to wake up enough to crawl off to bed and repeat the process the next day.  He never talked...

Life After Loss How The Death Of A Baby Changes You Forever   By Ann Douglaspageone@kawartha.com       During those intensely painful days after my daughter Laura was stillborn five years ago, I remember feeling that I was at a crossroads in my life-that two separate paths lay before me: I could either let this tragedy destroy my life and break my spirit or I could find a way to make something positive come out of my daughter’s death. ...

Let Me Tell You Who I Am Now     By Angela Millerhttp://stillstandingmag.com/2013/07/let-me-tell-you-who-i-am-now/ I am still a person like you, with a life like yours, yet not.  I am still a mother like you, yet not at all like you, all at the same time.  I wish there was some way you could understand me, without becoming who I am now. You see, there’s a pain I carry, unlike any pain you carry, unless you are a bereaved mother too....