Articles

When Grief during the Holidays is New By Pat Schwiebert, R.N. pat@tearsoup.com     As we officially enter the holiday season those who grieve enter into a quagmire of emotions. Is it okay to experience joy when your loved one is dead? Can you be grateful for the time you had with your loved one while being overwhelmed with missing that person? Will you give yourself permission to join in the festivities of the season or not gather with family...

When Comforters Talk Too Much!   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, ThMjohn@metanoiaumc.org     After the death of my Mother-in-law last month, as friends offered their condolences, I recalled the similar gestures from friends and acquaintances following the death of my own mother more than a decade ago.  I noticed a recurring theme in both situations. Many folks assumed that they understood what and how I was feeling about my loss. Some said as much:  “I know just how you...

What We Remember Lives On   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     She’s been dead 6 months and her 85th birthday was last week.  Most people don’t mention my mother’s name anymore.  I still bring her name up in conversation when something reminds me of her.  But otherwise my grief is mostly silent now.  I sit with her alone in my thoughts still trying to understand who she was.  More and more I remember sweet moments where she was like...

What Grieving Moms Want for Mother's Day: 10 Simple Ways to help Moms Cope When Mother's Day Hurts   Reprinted from www.thecomfortcompany.net Acknowledgement is what grieving mother's want most for Mother's Day, suggests a survey by www.thecomfortcompany.net, a website that specializes in meaningful sympathy gifts. The online survey asked “What can others do to ease your pain on Mother's Day”. Over 80 percent of the 200 respondents answered, "Recognize that I am a mother".  “While Mother's Day is generally considered to be...

We Are All So Different   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     Last week a friend decided to stop cancer treatment and go on hospice.  Not everyone thought it was a good decision.  Some, who were also undergoing chemotherapy couldn’t imagine making that choice.  Some thought she was being selfish and not thinking of her family.  Others thought that she was being generous in not wanting to be any more of a burden on her pregnant daughter than necessary.  It...

Up   By John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@tearsoup.com      “Up,” the 2009 animated film from Walt Disney/Pixar studios, can be appreciated for many reasons, one being its portrayal of the realities of human grief.  I recommend it, especially for those who have lost a family member to death. As the movie opens we meet Carl Fredricksen, an adventurous boy who quickly becomes fast friends with Ellie, a young girl who shares his adventurous spirit.  Childhood sweethearts, they eventually marry.  Their dreams...

Tough Mothers   By John T. Schwiebert, ThMjohn@tearsoup.com     “ . . . and a sword will pierce your own soul also”  --Luke 2:35 In Luke’s story of Jesus, the above words are spoken by a wise old man named Simeon to Mary, as he holds the infant Jesus—Mary’s first-born child—in his arms.  Luke seems to be offering a clue that Mary will one day suffer deep grief because of the violent death of her offspring. The piercing of a...

To Be Known   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     Art was a quiet man.  I knew him for 25 years.  He never had much to say.  He always sat in the same pew at church and had the best attendance on record.  He always sang the loudest.  He never drew attention to himself (except for maybe when he sang), and he never needed to be the center of attention.  He knew our names and he always seemed glad to...

They Knew Them Already    By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com   They were young and innocent.  That was then.  This is now.  In a blink of an eye, a solitary moment, their lives were changed.  Their baby died.  Their baby was wanted, loved, and now missed.  From a young age they had been told life is unfair.  Talking about it is an intellectual experience.  Now they have to live it. Back in the 70’s when we medical professionals were being urged...

The Perfect Heart   Author Unknown    One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaimingthat he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowdgathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There wasnot a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the mostbeautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud andboasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.Suddenly,...

The Others   By Thom Hogan   A teardrop fell in the forest today.Where it fell the parents know the way. The pain of grief to the mothers,Is a pain that is unknown to the others. And a father’s grief,To the others is brief. Sadness is no good the others will say.Move on, let go, tomorrow is another day. Life is too short to linger in pain.But our lives will stop again and again. A teardrop fell in the forest...

The Other Side Loss   By John T. Schwiebert, ThMjohn@tearsoup.com      Dare we speak of any personal loss that we experience as also having a positive aspect?  I almost don’t want to ask this question because I am fully aware how hurtful it can be when friends try to comfort those who are grieving by diminishing the severity of their loss. How often the grieving person has heard words like these, after the death of a loved one. “She’s in...