Articles

The Holidays, How We Survived     By Bart SumnerHealing-improv.org               We all know that the holidays create stress and expectations that can often make the family visits and busy schedules seem more painful than festive, but after the death of a close family member, the holidays become more of a challenge than ever. In our case, losing our 10 year-old son David in the beginning of October 2009 poised a particularly difficult task. Halloween was coming, followed quickly by...

The Dragonfly Story   By Walter Dudley Cavert    “In the bottom of an old pond lived some grubs who could not understand why none of their group ever came back after crawling up the lily stems to the top of the water.  They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what had happened to him.  Soon one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface;...

The Challenge of Grieving Openly   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     “Never apologize for showing feelings.  Remember that when you do, you apologize for the truth.”    - Benjamin Disraeli   How hard it is in our culture to be able to openly grieve. We are a people who desire (or expect) good times, quick fixes, and moderation in all of our behaviors. We are easily embarrassed, impatient and judgmental when other people exhibit excessive displays of emotion. And we...

The Book of Job: A Three Thousand-Year-Old Story of Grief   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org   Part Two: Miserable Comforters     Fortunate is the bereaved person who has genuine friends—loyal companions whose steady, caring presence helps sustain them through prolonged periods of grief. Unfortunately such companions are rare.  And sometimes the pain of a personal loss is complicated by a further loss—the sudden or gradual fading of friendships when “friends,” for a variety of reasons, cannot deal with...

The Book of Job: A Three Thousand-Year-Old Story of Grief   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org   Part Three: "Am I Going Crazy?"    In my previous reflection on the grief of the Biblical character named Job (the second in a series), I spoke of the problems that friends can bring to the grieving process. Using examples from Job’s story, I observed that sometimes the pain of a personal loss is complicated by a further loss—the sudden or gradual...

The Book of Job: A Three Thousand-Year-Old Story of Grief   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org   Part One: Getting into the Story (see Job 1:1 to 2:9)  Following up on my promise in the May 2012 Newsletter, I present here the first installment in a series of reflections on the grief experienced by a man named job in the book in the Hebrew Bible that bears his name. We begin by acknowledging that the book of Job is...

The Book of Job: A Three Thousand-Year-Old Story of Grief   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org   Part Four: "Personal Doubts and Questions"    Last month in part 3 of this series,* we looked at how Job resists the unhelpful suggestion of his friends that he must bear the blame for his loss—that his bereavement must be a punishment for, or at least a consequence of, some un-confessed sin. But Job insists, quite rightly, that in fact he himself...

The Book of Job: A Three Thousand-Year-Old Story of Grief   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org   Part Five: "Is There Life After Grief?"    In our experience of working with people who have faced extreme loss, many have eventually been able to answer the above question with a resounding “yes!”  And they have been able to do so without in anyway dismissing or minimizing the prolonged pain they went through before they got to the place where happiness...

That Don't Look Like Grandma   By Sandy Goodman   When I was asked to compose an article about kids and grief, my pompous ego spoke up instantly with You can’t. Never one to argue with that soft, still voice in my head, I readily agreed that I couldn’t. After all, I usually only write about what I myself have experienced, and small children were never a part of my grieving. Jeremy was 22 when Jason died and Joshua was...

Teenagers and Loss   By Rev John T. Schwiebert, MDivjohn@metanoiaumc.org     I recently received an email communication from a high school student that read: I am currently working on a project about how the death of a peer affects teens. I would really appreciate your feedback on this project. Some questions I have for you are: how does losing a friend affect a teen’s views on religion? Do these effects vary noticeably in teenagers of different religions? Does the...

Strength Found in Solitude   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.pat@tearsoup.com     As another Father’s day approaches I think back and remember the amazing parade of men that I have observed over the past 40 years in our support groups for bereaved parents.  The assumption of many was that men would not want to take advantage of this type of support—that it would be way out of their comfort zone.  My experience over the past 40 years of facilitating support groups...

Stop Crying   By Pat Schwiebert, R.N. pat@tearsoup.com   As we were out walking in the woods near her home, she said, “Wait till you see this sign.”  At that point we were at the bottom of a very steep climb to the top of the path. The tall trees protected us from the sun.  It was like we were in a timeless protected space.  No noise.  No reminders of the world we came from.   Just as we were...